Chopped Thought

This is just a little piece of random writing I found in one of my old notebooks. Thought is was appropriate to share in spite of all the festivities.

While Christmas makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside (believe me, this is my favorite time of year), it is also important, if you call yourself a Child of God, to remember the humbling cause for having the holiday and vacation time at all.

We forget that being on top of our decorations, cookies, gifts, sales, and yearly greeting cards/letters for others is not the point. It is not even a close resemblance to the reason for celebration on the twenty-fifth of the month. Try the cross. Or the blood. Or even a box full of coal. Those are actually more on track.

I hate when people ask me whether I have done all my shopping yet! Not to spoil any parties, but technically, we should not even HAVE the opportunity to be merry much less get silly gifts for...what? Being alive? Being "good?"

The only present I will be shopping for this Christmas is a thankful heart to the One Who allowed me to even have a time of joy with my loved-ones in December...much less the rest of the year.

Christmas Wish

Since I can remember, I have been infatuated with the idea of writing a book. Not a bunch of books or stories. Not merely for the sake of being accomplished or famous. Not to become the next big author or inspirational speaker.

My love for writing has lead me in many directions (journal-writing, blogging, screenplays, poems, essays, etc.), but I have never been able to finish my own personal book. The ideas have been there, but quickly, I have let them pass because I only except perfection. I only want the very best of my life and my views to put on paper. And I desire to express myself with a beauty beyond the ordinary or expected so that when someone picks up my story, he or she will know exactly what kind of person I am...not just my characters or plot.

You see, in my mind, a book is a kind of fingerprint. And there is only one reason to write with such completion, organization, sacrifice, and vulnerability.

I want to leave something of myself behind.

As anything else in life, writing takes dedication and time...not to mention a lot of practice. I am willing to put in the work now. I am ready to start my book. Mistakes will come and dry periods will taunt me, but I have once and for all decided to pursue this single lifelong dream of mine. From this moment on, I will begin to take a journey through my thoughts and my skills that I have never been able to fully complete.

This Christmas, I want a book...my book.

Wish me luck.

My First Words

Today I had an argument with someone I really care about. It was more than an argument, however. It was an opportunity for me to lash out...rather than open up. I feel ashamed and immature.

Here is what I really wanted to say:

I have decided on my purpose in life.

People say I have much to offer as far as skills and talents and wisdom, but that is not who I am. That is simply what I possess. And how easy is it to use those possessions for my own benefit rather than for the benefit of others? People do it all the time-- step all over others and make their way to the top (for just money or status?) no matter how many lives they crush. 

An adult I know, for example, was once a very successful college graduate business man. He was well-liked, well-groomed, and well-compensated for his work. Yet, it was never enough. He decided to cut corners where he could, have another woman on the side, and never really be there for his children because he was busy making his career better. To be even more specific, he took advantage of a family member's disability and stole money for himself.

So is that what college does for people? Make them smart enough to learn how to screw others over and not care enough to turn in a different direction ever? A degree and a career might be a goal of mine, but it certainly is not my purpose. 

I have decided my purpose in life is to be like Jesus. Simple. Sweet. Cliche, in a sense, but very much taken for granted.

You see, Jesus had a very unusual purpose. He was born to give His life. He came into the world, knowing his comfort and his body would be destroyed. He lived among people, realizing they would one day turn against him and rip him apart inside and out. Imagine waking up at night with that on your mind? He knew his purpose from the beginning and what was his advice? Be bitter and only do what's best for you, right? No way.

Love others. Treat them better than yourself. Forgive. Turn the other cheek. Give to Caesar what is due Caesar and give to God what is due God. Judge not. 

No one deserved His blood, but He let it flow freely without ever asking for anything in return. All He wanted was to give others a second chance. What better way to live life than to grow up, get over yourself from the beginning, look past the faults of others, and sacrifice the very breathe in your body whether they appreciate it or not?  

I am by no means perfect, but I long to be a part of something bigger than me. It is not enough for me to get a good degree, land a fabulous job, and have tons of friends to go out with each weekend. It is not enough for me to keep searching for the bigger and the better in my activities or relationships. It is not enough to have good looks, intelligence, and fast metabolism. It is not enough for me to attempt having my life fit in a tidy little box with nothing disrupting it or tainting it's purity. It is enough, however, to realize that I am just as bad as the next person. And by pushing my pride and my needs away and giving all of the good inside me to others (especially the ones that do not deserve it), I become something more than just me.  I become a tiny glimpse of God.

Education fails in that it forgets to teach the number one lesson in life. Nothing in this world is ever enough.